Devil's Advocate

Do we need one? My answer would always be YES.

But why? Like we are not surrounded by enough sceptics. We have the entire world are already discouraging us and stopping us when we want to do something. Forget whether it is good or bad. If you are on social media, you will find a bunch of people telling you why your idea sucks, that someone they knew did it already and some might even go a step further and tell you and prophesize about your idea predicting all the possible negative outcomes of it, putting you off totally.  It is time to acknowledge the fact that everyone has got an opinion.

Oh, the social media? Yes, it full of these armchair activists who don’t do much but have an opinion about everything. The doers in this group of online activists account to a small percentage. And in that small percentage, someone doing worthwhile for a cause that offers some value to the society are minuscule. Now if you sift a bit more among such valuable doers someone with common sense and tolerance are even less. So, why care about what they say? I am not suggesting that you should pay attention to garbage and trolls.

My answer is still YES, we need them. For one reason, if you have an idea and want to test it, you will instantly know how seriously people are going to take it. When you overlook the idle banter on the social media (never engage in it, it is often time consuming), occasionally you might find some valid resistance. And if you can find a way to iron that out, my friend you do have a winner.
Reminds me of my first boss who said at the beginning of a major project we were planning to do ‘Convince the Devil’s advocate in our team and you can sell this to anyone”. We were developing an online travel reservation system then for middle east market. That was atleast a decade and a half ago. But that statement still holds value.

Ok for instance let us leave the social media out and talk about real world situation. It happens within families and friends too. But most of the resistances we face with families are about trivial things like when you wanted to get that punk haircut or get that cool tattoo. Rest of the time, you can count on them. You need that encouragement and support to go further (not about that tattoo), but for something that makes you feel really happy like starting your own business, or taking a job across the oceans or quitting a job and settling for a more fulfilling and less paying one.

Having said that, these people are the ones who really know you, inside out. They know what makes you happy and what makes you sad. Instead of constantly patronizing you, would you be okay if they give you their rational thought and force you to think otherwise? I am not talking about straight ‘No, you cannot do it. It is a bad idea’ kind of resistance, but something that engages a discussion about pros and cons and mostly cons. Now that challenges your mind to think in a different direction and even fine tune your thoughts about your idea, and improvise on it. Because family and friends more often than not, essentially care for you and are concerned about your overall well being. They won’t stop being your family, and switch loyalties based on how much bank balance you have or the credit rating your bank gives you. People who care for you, just care for your happiness. Just that.

So the resistance they exhibit when they talk you out of an idea, is totally valid, no matter how sensitive or hurt you are by their remarks.This resistance may not be sugar coated or dipped in honey. It may sound harsh and often very delivered straight to the point. Just because they don’t sweet talk to you, doesn't mean that you are wrong and they are right or vice versa.  If you take the emotion out of the equation, it will all make much better sense. The idea is to do what suits you best and what makes you happier at the end of the day.

But then, it won’t hurt, when you soak up the words and the actions of your family members, listen to them and apply your mind and think rationally, engage in discussion and then take a decision. Now when it comes to family and close friends, emotions do overtake sometimes. But when you look beyond the obvious, there could be a valid reason for those emotions. Be it anger, frustration, concern etc., or all of them together. It is up to you to decide how deep you want to see beneath those emotions.

Your own wisdom will guide you to see beyond the façade of these emotions and realize the value of the opinion your loved has to offer. It is ultimately your choice to whether to take them seriously, discuss the idea or issue in hand or just brush it off. It is your choice to convince the Devil’s advocate and reason with him or her. A discussion and brain storming session always works, even when you have a difference of opinion. But don’t let that difference of opinion affect the rationality in you to fail to recognize the possible virtues and vices of the outcome. Often this member of the family or friend do not patronize your idea. If your gut says “Oh, she is going to hate this”, it means you should tell her first.  And that is exactly the reason why you should listen to that person to test the validity of your idea.

Having said that, you may sometimes we encounter vague answers or opinions, which makes it difficult for you to engage in a discussion. Some may even think a bit more selfishly how your idea is going to affect them personally. It is important to recognize this aspect too and that is when you will be using your head. The best part is not to get sucked into someone else’s thought process and agreeing with them or opposing them totally because you conditioned yourself to do so. The idea is about retaining your sanity and ability to think what is best for you.

Always, appreciate that person when they compel you to think otherwise. This goes beyond Steve Jobs famous quote about misfits. But then the classic question is (which is very valid) ‘How can you tell that this person family or friend is just being opinionated and is so full of it?’. The answer to that, my friend is simple.

"The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do"

See how happy they are with their own lives. See what they do, how they do. These are the people who are enjoying their life to the fullest and you find them often smiling. They are the ones Steve Jobs was talking about, even if they don’t run a billion dollar business or lead the entire humanity to enlightenment. See how they do little things with love. You will know. And these are the very people who will love you, no matter what your credit rating is or what you do eventually whether you agree with them or not. Because they compel you to think beyond the obvious.  They drive you crazy by asking you to go against the odds. They try to push you out of your comfort zone. They have the courage to tell you the truth. They are bold enough to tell you when you mess up without worrying about the repercussions. If you have atleast one such person in your family or friends you are very fortunate. They are the ones you need to hang on to. 

Speak up Girls! It’s time!!

You could have a life experience on a mundane monotonous day waiting in a queue in India. If you are a woman, you would know what is it like to spend half hour waiting in a bank or any public place. Even if you don’t ignore the lewd stares and glances, it is hard to just wait in a queue without being touched or answering some dumb questions from the male species who just want to derive God-knows-what, in a totally meaningless way. I encountered two men who stood out today, among the rest.

First fellow, a young chap probably just out of college, was trying his best to catch my attention, and was standing in front of me. I was too busy engrossed in my thoughts. Actually, I was mentally transformed to another planet with Calvin & Hobbes and was imagining myself as Spaceman Spiff exploring the deepest corner of the universe. Did you ever realize, how much fun it is to think that you are an alien from another planet visiting earth and trying to mingle with different species? Try that next time you stand in a queue in a bank or a public place in India. Nothing beats that. Ok, back to the fellow… who was turning back every 2 seconds to look at me, breaking into my thoughts, he finally musters up the courage to start a rather a dumb conversation and I had to return to planet earth and asks me...

Him: Are you from here?

Me: Yes, I am from Earth! But, please don’t tell anyone!

You should see his face. It was fun. He probably wanted to know if I am from Hyderabad or live close by or something like that. But it was fun. I am sure he was visualising me with antennae or tentacles or some gooey green substance oozing out of me.. He did not even turn back or even blink by my direction for the next 15 minutes and left without a word after finishing his business in the bank. I am sure he was convinced that I am from a different planet visiting earth and trying to mingle with earthlings. Om Calvinaya Namaha :p

Second fellow was a lech, probably in his fifties, appeared like some pious person for anyone.  I won’t mention his religion here but, I could say he was projecting himself in a religious manner.  I passed by him on my way out and he was too quick for his age and deftly groped my bottom. I could sense that his touch was intentional. So I stopped on my track and turned around to look back. He too looked back rather defiantly at me confirming his action. 

That enraged me so much that I marched back to him to say 

“You do that again, touch a girl, I will find you and kill you”. 

It is not my intention or my habit to give death threats to people, but I did say this rather loudly that the crowd in the bank heard it loud and clear. There was no way I could find him again or even catch him to do what I threatened about. He was looking at me and knew very well that I was addressing him. I guess he got the message. I did not even wait for his answer and strolled back holding my head high. But I could notice that most of the glances were on that lecher than on me.

For the first chap who was trying to use a line, a little tact was all needed to make him mind his own business. That was easy and funny too. But for the jerk who groped me, he needed a strong message. So I had to give that. It did not involve in physical or verbal abuse. Just a strong warning in public is enough. Such incidents can’t be reported to police and we don’t even have laws to punish anything like groping of lecherous stares. Girls will be wasting their time if they actually sought any kind of help from others for such encounters. And spectators will not even come to offer  help unless they hear the story several times, which is waste of time. And there is nothing anyone can do, for groping, which already happened. Trust me it is not even worth it. 

Confrontation and a warning will shame them in public. If the lecher in question won’t learn a lesson, atleast the disguised lechers who pose as mute spectators will get the message and will refrain from doing such cheap acts.  

Hope this post helps my friends to muster up the courage and speak up and also have a good laugh celebrating your extra-terrestrial life. But do, speak up! It’s time!!