Domestic Violence

“The law is clear—if a woman is touched in any manner (read sexual or otherwise) against her consent, it is molestation because she has been violated”. - Anagha Sarpotdar, researcher and member of several inquiry committees on sexual harassment at the workplace.

The same law should be applied to domestic violence too.  In my home country a woman approaching police reporting is a bigger ordeal. She is scrutinized on the way she talks to the officers in charge, the way she talks, her social background and even the way she dresses up. While this might be the case in India which is termed as a patriarchal society and rarely question. Often women are judged by their own families and the women in the society for taking a bold step in approaching help – be it legally or from a friend. It took a while for the government to recognize domestic violence as a serious offence. Laws against Domestic Violence were laid as a mere eyewash to pacify women's groups, but rarely administered.

The strangest part of this serious issue is, most of the abused, abusers and even law enforcement officers in India do not even know that such law exists. even if they knew, it is on paper but not in practice. This is an open fact. This is unashamedly admitted by one of the former Minister for Women & Child Development, Mrs Renuka Chowdary, that 70% of Indian women are victims of domestic violence. And things are no different now. The current minister will too admit this fact as the numbers are official. According to 2011 census this number comes to 41 crores. This 70% female population of India accounts to 12% of the entire world’s female population. 

Can’t believe that 70% of Indian women suffered from domestic abuse? If you are a woman, ask yourself and three other women you know, have you ever been touched in any manner (read sexual or otherwise) against your consent by a family member? You would know. I recommend the same exercise for men too. Ask yourself the same question. "Have you ever touched a woman you knew, in any manner sexual or otherwise against her consent?"  You do not have to publish or share the answers. This simple exercise is just to confirm the 70% statistic.

For the record – I did this exercise and all 4 women I talked to, experienced domestic violence including me. I am a woman and I would not even think of gauging the severity of the domestic violence. That would be regressive of me.

Just for a moment let us leave India aside and focus on Canada, which is considered as a developed nation and is termed as the most advanced nations in the world today, ranking at number 7 in the Social Progress Index among 132 nations by www.socialprogressimperative.org . India ranks at 102 among the 132 nations, has a lot of catching up to do with Canada in terms of social progress, but not in domestic violence. We Indians and Canadians are equal here.

Nellie Letitia McClung was a Canadian feminist, politician, author, and social activist. She was a part of the social and moral reform movements prevalent in Western Canada in the early 1900s.

But if you think Canadian women are not immune to domestic violence, you are wrong. According to www.canadianwomen.org 67% of all Canadians say they personally know at least one woman who has been sexually or physically assaulted. This is official figure. Of these only 10% cases are reported to the police. Every 6 days 1 Canadian woman is killed by her intimate partner. On any given day in Canada, more than 3,300 women (along with their 3,000 children) are forced to sleep in an emergency shelter to escape domestic violence. Every night, about 200 women are turned away because the shelters are full. This happens in a country which has harsh winters where the temperatures are at sub-zero level. These all are official figures.

Image from www.canadianwomen.org 

I am asking some questions that you all need to be answer honestly to yourself and ask if you can help changing the perceptions in the society and within you, towards women in anyway. Once again, you do not have to share the answers with me. But I urge you to answer them for your own sake. 

1. What makes the society so regressive to abuse the natural nurturer of the humankind?
2. What is it that women do wrong to be a victim of domestic violence?
3. Are women really such bad and evil species of nature that they deserve to be treated this way?
4. Is it considered macho to resort to violence to prove superiority over the feminine gender?
5. What can you do to stop domestic violence?

From Canada to India, the society has been regressive about women. As we advance ourselves as progressive nations, plight of the women remain same or plummet even further down. This is not about what we come to know through media reports, that how victimized women are in certain countries or in a certain religion etc., and we all condemn the incidents rather vociferously on social media and forget all about it and go back to work as if it is not about us.

What made us so numb to domestic violence? Is this the way mankind is evolving? Why do we mutely succumb to such things? Why do not we exercise our rights and help others in doing the same? I had these questions on mind for long as a child. But now I found my answer.

I am turning the tables now. I am not going to tolerate abuse towards me in any form from anyone. I am a woman and I have a right to protect myself. I need to be strong to extend a helping hand to others who might need help. I am standing up for myself even if I am the only one standing. Without fear, holding my head high and saying it loud and clear: 

‘I will not let anyone touch me sexually or otherwise without my consent’.